On February 27, 1991, during the Desert Storm War, a woman by the name of Ruth Dillow received the worst call of her life. Her son, Clayton Carpenter, Private First Class, had stepped on a land mine and was dead. For the next three days she grieved. No one could comfort her.
On the third day after receiving the terrible news, the phone rang. On the other end of the phone there was a voice that said, “Mom, it’s me. I’m alive.” At first she thought it was a cruel joke, but as the conversation continued, she realized it was her son.
Later she said she laughed and cried and rejoiced because what seemed to be a hopeless situation turned out to be the greatest day of her life. That’s what news from a graveyard can do for you when your faith is in Jesus Christ. Source: Los Angeles Times, March 3, 1991
We would all say, “the military needs to get that right! They cannot make such calls and cause such grief!!” We would agree that it is cruel to cause such unnecessary grief on anyone. Yet, we do it over and over again to the Spirit of God with our sin! We must see our sin as grieving God!
Stop the Grieving! (4:30)
“Grieve not the Holy Spirit of God” is referring to the four specific sins we studied earlier in the immediate text: lying, anger, stealing, and rotten words. The church’s negative relationship with the Holy Spirit is also referenced in:
I Thess. 5:19 – “Quench not the Spirit of God”
Acts 7:51 – “resisting the Holy Ghost”
However, this instruction to “grieve not the Holy Spirit of God” is different from the other passages. This command implies a personal relationship with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is capable of being grieved by my sin! This is sin against His perfect holiness and sin against His unfailing love!
The last phrase of 4:30 says, “whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.” A fuller context of this truth is found in 1:13-14. This “sealing” reminds us of that day when every sin will fall away and we will be made without sin!
It is the teenager who lies to his parents about where he went or intends to go (leaving out the part they would not approve of) …that grieves the heart of God!
It is the one who lies to their spouse, deceives them, and breaks down that relationship of trust…that grieves the heart of God!
It is the one who steals from the office supplies in the smallest of matters, knowing it does not belong to them…that grieves the heart of God!
It is the one who yields their person to pride and wrong thinking and lashes out in anger…that grieves the heart of God!
It is the one who speaks unwholesome, rotten, worthless words…that grieves the heart of God!
In the culmination of my sinful choices, I grieve the heart of God! The one true great God would grieve over me? Yes! He saw you when you were His enemy. He sent His Only Son to take the penalty of your rebellion against Him. This is Holiness! This is pure love! Yes…God grieves over my sin! What about my love for the Lord? Isn’t it pushed aside at the moment of sinful choices for rebellious lust to please self? The next verse in Ephesians 4:31 then tells us to throw out such garbage!
Reject the Garbage! (4:31)
Early in chapter 4, the put off the old man and put on the new man truths were taught. Now at the end of the chapter, this same truth is VERY specifically applied…right where it is needed (same as Col. 3:8)! Pause for a moment to study these 4 steps on the pathway of bitterness.
Bitterness: sharpness, the step before wrath and anger…this refers to a person’s spirit AND speech. This Greek word is not used often, but it is seen in Acts 8:23, Romans 3:14, Hebrews 12:15.
Wrath & Anger: refers to a passionate outburst, unreasonable. It is smoldering anger that kindles into a flame, opposes forgiveness, and reveals lasting resentment.
Clamor & Evil Speaking: loud fury of words with deliberate evil speaking (lies, slander, backbiting, and reproaches). These are seen as men in a brawl.
With all malice: literally, “with all evil,” get rid of it all.
The story is told of a couple who married later in life. One was divorced and one was widowed. There were adult children on both sides and many unresolved hurt feelings from the divorce. Forgiveness was quickly pushed aside, bitterness was embraced, and everything fell apart! Ephesians 4:31 became real life for them!! Bitterness turned into wrath, then anger, then clamor, and then evil speaking. The end result of the bitterness that surrounded them was yelling and screaming in the home…throwing things at each other…and then one even pushed another down the stairs in a heated argument. This passage describes an escalating situation all connected to bitterness. The need to give forgiveness is absolutely crucial!
Embrace the Giving! (4:32)
This last verse calls us to embrace the giving of forgiveness! “Kind…tender-hearted” is a gentleness in bearing wrong. In short, “be polite!” Kindness and tender-heartedness usher in forgiveness!
Luke 6:36, “Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.”
I Peter 3:8, “Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:”
“…even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” –
God forgave freely
God forgave fully
God forgave liberally
An 18-year-old young man came to his father one day and told him he didn’t want anything more to do with his rules and his God. He wanted to do things his own way! So, he took off on his own. That father’s heart was torn in pieces. He grieved over His son’s rebellion against the Lord. He prayed over His son’s need to return to Christ all throughout most days. The pain didn’t lessen over time. He continued to plead with the Lord. After a few years, that rebellious son returned home humbled, hurt, and hungry. His father welcomed him with open arms!
The Spirit of God actually grieves over our sinful choices…choices that assault His holiness and spit on His unfailing love. The good news is that God continues to stand ready to forgive! The grieving God rejoices in his child’s return. Believer,