A man once noticed that the grass on his neighbor's lawn was always just a little higher one one side of the fence. Every week, one half was neatly trimmed, and the other half looked like it was preparing for harvest.

Finally, he asked, "Why do you only mow half the lawn?"

The neighbor laughed and said, "Oh, that's not my half. That's my brother-in-law's half. We had a small argument about where the property line was and I told him, 'Fine...take care of your side, and I will take care of my side.' So now, every week, I mow my side beautifully and he lets his grow wild."

The man shook his head and said, "How long has this been going on?"

The neighbor shrugged. "About seven years."

Seven years over a patch of grass?

Then he added, "We don't even remember what we argued about; however, we are both committed to winning...even if it means our lawn looks ridiculous."

Unresolved conflict makes everyone's yard look ridiculous. It will cost more energy to avoid peace than to pursue it! We must choose to handle conflicts Biblically.

How does the Bible address handling conflicts? Turn in your Bible to Acts 15.

The conflict:

Some believers were insisting that Gentile Christians had to keep the law of Moses, including circumcision, to be saved. As you can imagine, this caused a significant conflict among the believers! How did they handle this disagreement?

The process:

Paul and Barnabas brought the concern to the apostles and elders.
They listened carefully to testimonies that Peter, Paul, and Barnabas presented.
They searched the scripture together.
They reached unity through wise, Spirit-led counsel.
They communicated their decision clearly and graciously to all the churches.

The resolution:

They affirmed salvation by grace alone and wrote a unified letter that “pleased the apostles and elders, with the whole church” (Acts 15:22). As a result, the conflict ended with clarity, unity, and joy. I know we all wish our own conflicts would end with similar clarity, unity, and joy! However, it is our own pride...pride from both sides of the wedge...that often keeps us from a God-honoring resolution.

Just as Paul and Barnabas helped the people search the scriptures for the right answers, I would like us to take some time to search the scriptures together in search of keys to handle conflict Biblically.

RESTORATION. Gal. 6:1- Confrontation is for the purpose of restoration of relationship with God and mankind. It is NOT about proving you are right and they are wrong (like a score card). Aim for restoration, not scoring keeping!
THREATS. Matt. 16:6; Eph. 5:25; Eph. 4:29- Do not make threats of divorce or punishment.
FORGIVE. Eph. 4:32- Seek Forgiveness/ Accept Forgiveness
REJECT BITTERNESS. Eph. 4:30-31- Reject a bitter spirit. Bitterness is a personally destructive pathway that we often believe is somehow punishing others.
BE CALM. Prov. 15:1,3- Engage in resolution with a calm presence
CHOOSE THE OTHER PERSON. Phil. 2:3- Put the other person in greater preference than yourself.
TEACHABLE. James 4:6- Both sides of the wedge must embrace humility with a teachable spirit. “What can I learn from this about myself to become more like Jesus?”
LIVE IN THE PRESENT. Phil. 3:13-14- Don’t live in the past. Once forgiveness is sought and given, it needs to stay in the past
SHORT ACCOUNT. Eph. 4:26; Matt. 5:23-24- Don’t stack offenses. Deal with them as they happen. Avoid waiting for the offense to happen 5 times before addressing it. Don't let issues pile up!
UNIVERSAL TERMS. Matt. 5:37; Eph. 4:25- Do not use universal terms, like “never” and “always.”
ASSUME THE BEST. I Cor.13:4-8- Genuine love assumes the best about each other.
CHOOSE TO REBUILD. Rebuild the relationship. Do not nurture the wedge that was forgiven or sought forgiveness for.

A man had a beautiful garden. Every plant was thriving, except for one corner he decided to ignore. A small disagreement with his neighbor over where the fence should be left him bitter, and in that corner, he refused to plant anything or even water the soil.

Months went by. The weeds grew taller than the flowers, choking out the life that once could have been there. When he finally noticed, he realized that the longer he had left that corner unattended, the harder it was to restore its beauty.

Relationships work the same way. A small conflict left unresolved may seem minor at first, but bitterness and pride are like weeds. They choke love, trust, and joy. The longer we wait to restore peace, the harder it becomes to heal what was once flourishing.

Rebuilding a relationship after conflict…

Col. 3:13 - Begin with forgiveness. Never bring up the conflict again. Do not hold past forgiven sin over someone like a captive.
Rom. 14:19 - Peace must be actively pursed, not passively assumed
Eph. 4:2-3 - Rebuilding requires gentle, humble communication. Regaining and maintaining unity is hard work and must be embraced.
Eph. 4:22-24 - Restore trust by putting off old habits and putting on new God-honoring habits.
Eph. 4:29 - Speak in ways that rebuild, not reopen old wounds
I Cor. 13:4-8 - Love must be practiced, not merely assumed
Romans 12:10 - Rebuilding happens step-by-step with patience
Col. 3:15 - Let Christ's peace rule as the new atmosphere of the relationship

It will cost more energy to avoid peace than to pursue it! We must choose to handle conflicts Biblically.