Newspaper columnist George Crane told the story of a wife who came into his office wanting to divorce her husband. She said, “I do not only want to get rid of him, I want to get even. Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me.”
Dr. Crane suggested a brilliant plan “Go home and act as if you really love your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate, and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him. Make him believe you love him. After you’ve convinced him of your undying love and that you cannot live without him, then drop the bomb. Tell him that you’re getting a divorce. That will really hurt him.”
With revenge in her eyes, she smiled and exclaimed, “Beautiful, beautiful. Will he ever be surprised!” And she did it with enthusiasm. For two months she showed love, kindness, listening, giving, reinforcing, sharing. When she didn’t return, Crane called. “Are you ready now to go through with the divorce?”
“Divorce?” she exclaimed. “Never! I discovered I really do love him.” Her actions had changed her feelings. Motion resulted in emotion. The ability to love is established not so much by fervent promise as often repeated deeds. (Source: The Myth of the Greener Grass, J. Allan Peterson)
KINDNESS is the choice of a willing heart. GENUINE KINDNESS is the outcome of seeing the depth of God’s mercy for me. POWERFUL KINDNESS flows from a surrendered heart. The believer is better equipped to show genuine kindness to others than any other human on earth. But is kindness really that important? Take a look at Ephesians 4.
MY CALLING
Ephesians 4:1-6 calls the church to higher ground…and kindness is part of higher ground. Ephesians 3:20-21 tells us that our power to serve comes from the One who far exceeds our wildest expectations. So, it is possible to “walk worthy” (to take the high road) because of Jesus!
What do we know about Ephesians 4?
Paul is in prison for His faith. He personally knows how hard it can be.
Paul is pleading with them to take the high road (“I beseech you”).
Paul defines what “walk worthy” looks like: humble, gentle, patient, bear with one another, brotherly love (a lifestyle approach), and pursuing unity.
Ephesians 4:3-6 then goes on to help us see further down the pathway of “walking worthy.” One of the outcomes of walking worthy is unity!
In the Cambridge, Minn., Star it was reported: "Isanti County Commissioner Tom Pagel has 100-percent support from his family, not 10 percent, as was stated in last week's article on Pagel's announcement to seek re-election." (Source: Reader's Digest) That is a pretty big “typo!” Unity is 100% agreement. Look on what we the church are to be in 100% agreement:
One body – This refers to the body of Christ, the church. Every believer should consider every other believer fellow-heirs of heaven.
One Spirit – This is the Holy Ghost. He is part of the Trinity, and he indwells every believer.
One hope – We all have the same hope of being called into Jesus’ kingdom. We are all looking forward to the same heaven!
One Lord – All believers have one Savior, Jesus Christ. So, take heed with whom you argue and cause divisions. We all have the same Redeemer!
One faith – This is in reference to saving faith (not doctrine).
One baptism – All believers are baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
One God and Father – This is the last person of the trinity, God the Father.
So, there are things the church must be in 100% agreement, but there will also be times when the church will have differing views, opinions, or preferences…and that is okay. It is okay to have a different opinion with a teachable spirit (that does not contradict God’s Word). In fact, it is good to hear differing preferences! However, differing preferences can sometimes cause strife and contention. So, remember what you are here for – what is your mission? Our mission always has everything to do with the gospel: learn the gospel, live the gospel, and share the gospel! So, do not act in a way that will hinder your mission when your preferences and opinions are not embraced. The gospel is more important than my feelings, my longings, or my opinions.
MY GIFT
Ephesians 4:7-16 tells us that every believer has a gift of grace from the Lord. Grow your relationship with Jesus. Be purposeful about living the gospel and use your gifts to point others to the gospel!
MY RELATIONSHIP
The Carnegie Technological Institute has stated that 90% of all people who fail in their life's vocation fail because they cannot get along with people. (Source: Lloyd Perry, Getting the Church on Target, Moody, 1977.) Did you know that single men are jailed more often, earn less, have more illnesses and die at a younger age than married men. Married men with cancer live 20% longer than single men with the same cancer. Women, who often have more close friendships than men, survive longer with the same cancers. Married or not, relationships keep us alive. (Source: Dr. Bernie Siegel, Homemade, May, 1989.)
I think we can all agree that relationships are important. Now that we have seen the call to higher ground, unity, and the gifting of grace in our context, Ephesians 4:17-24 points us to an obvious, yet fading, truth. Here it is – the church should show a different lifestyle, specifically in the areas of immorality, sensuality, lust, and greed. This requires active personal choices of casting away such lifestyle choices and embracing new ones to replace them…new choices that befit a child of the King.
In light of “walking worthy,” Ephesians 4:25-32 gives us awfully specific direction concerning our communications with one another. Here are the highlights:
4:25 – Tell the truth
4:26-27 – Resolve anger quickly
4:28 – Work hard & help those in need
4:29 – Speak words that build others up
4:30 – Corrupt behavior causes God pain & sadness
4:31 – Refusal to forgive brings misery.
4:32 – Kindness impacts moving on for God.
Part of “walking worthy” requires kindness. More specifically (among other things), a forgiving spirit requires kindness and a tender heart. The truly sensitive believer (sensitive to God and not to pride) will be inclined to show kindness to unkind people.
The phrase “…be ye kind” means to be gracious, good, and pleasant. My calling, my gift, and my relationship with Jesus all slide the measure of my kindness. The sharper my view on my calling is, the better understanding I have of my gift of grace, and the deeper relationship I have with Jesus – will slide my measure closer to a 10 out of 10! It is not about trying harder. It is about genuine relationship with Jesus and living the gospel.
What difference does kindness make in my life and in the lives of others? Well, look at Ephesians 4:32 again. Here is the impact of kindness:
1. WILLING OBEDIENCE.
Kindness is not a suggestion in this verse. Practicing kindness demonstrates willing obedience…and following God’s path is always best for you and for those around you!
2. GENUINE FORGIVENESS.
Kindness is a necessary ingredient for genuine forgiveness.
3. VISIBLE LOVE.
Ephesians 4:32 says, “God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” I John 4:10 says, “Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” Jesus died for you and me to be able to forgive us of our sins. Kindness is necessary for genuine forgiveness. Kindness is a visible demonstration of God’s love. In fact, it is a visible demonstration of understanding how much love God has shown you personally (spiritual maturity) when you are kind to others.
4. LIBERATED LIVING.
Kindness is the pathway for forgiveness and freedom from bitterness! Bitterness breeds discontent, anger, hatred, and destruction…simply put, bitterness brings misery to those who embrace it.
Imagine the impact of a kind act or kind smiling face to a person who just lost their job, or to the person who just lost a loved one, or to the person who is having relational conflicts at home! The church is better equipped to be kind than any other human being; however, the choice is still yours. Kindness leads to blessing, freedom, and joy. Unkind ways encourage an unforgiving spirit, bitterness, anger, and hatred. Which path have you embraced?